Links & resources mentioned in this episode:

• How to write copy that connects copywriting class replay.

 

Show transcript

Intro

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I’m so happy to have you here again for another week. And today I want to talk to you about something that I think is very critical in business. When you have an online business or whenever you’re doing anything whether it’s life business, changing careers, whatever that looks like for you is giving you some reframes so that you can look at rejection in a new way.

So sometimes where we encounter things in our business. So for instance, maybe you are proposing a new idea to an influencer or someone who has a bigger audience than you, and you feel that you have some content that would be a really great fit so you pitch them to be on their podcast or to be a guest on their platform so that you can reach a wider audience while delivering value and reaching this new audience.

And then you get turned down or maybe you’re working with a client and you’re working with this client and everything is going really great. Or you think on the surface that you’re helping this person and then suddenly they fire you or they don’t renew their contract. Or maybe they go out on social media and they write something that isn’t very kind and it doesn’t put you in a very great light and maybe tarnishes your reputation a little bit, or it makes you feel really bad.

So I think regardless, no matter where you’re at in life, on the journey whatever stage of business you’re in rejection, we’re all faced with rejection at some point, it’s a very real thing for most of us. And for some of us, it can be so scary to hear “no”, or to be rejected, or to at least be, you know, perceive something as a rejection that it can really hinder us from kind of going after some of those bigger things.

Or if we get faced with a no, or we have a relationship go sour. Whether that’s with someone in our niche, a collaborator, a supporter, a fan, you know, someone unsubscribes from something that we create. We lose followers when we share something that’s really important to us or we’re working with clients and they aren’t as happy with our work.

As, you know, we had thought they were, or we had hoped they would be, of course, there are immense growth opportunities. And all of those things, we can always ask herself. What’s kind of the bigger meaning here to help us learn from our mistakes and to help us grow as we move forward. But what I want to hopefully achieve with this episode is to empower you so that you’re not as afraid of hearing no, you’re not as afraid of rejection as maybe you are.

If there’s something that you’re wanting to go after in your business, maybe there’s someone like I said, that’s got a bigger audience and you want to reach more people with your message and you want to pitch them to be on their podcast or to teach a course to their audience on their platform. And you’re worried about that rejection, or maybe you’ve faced a rejection recently.

Even if it means posting something online and someone openly criticized and rejected you in some way, it can all feel really, really crappy. And I’m not going to say that we are going to be immune to what other people have to say and think about us or how other people react. When that makes us feel bad.

But I do think that we can reframe the way that we perceive the rejection so that it doesn’t hold us back so that we’re not afraid to try new things that we’re not afraid to fail and to put ourselves out there. If we feel we’re in a place where we really want to step up, you know, for a long time in my business, I was afraid to teach classes.

I was afraid to do live videos. And a lot of that had to do with how people would perceive me when I showed up in a live video or when I showed up on camera, I was so worried about criticisms, but when I could step back and I could really acknowledge that this fear was there and still move forward. And I could reframe it in a new way and look at rejection and the way that if people rejected me online or had negative things to say about me, you know, I had tools to help me reframe that so that I wasn’t being held back, that I could go do a live video.

I could show up on video. I could teach a live class or teach a class to a bigger audience and still have those fears, but not have them completely cripple me in the sense that I’m paralyzed and I can’t move forward with things that I want to be doing in my business.

So here’s what I believe about this topic and about rejection, in general, is I believe that our perspective really has the power to change how we show up in the world. So if you can get past rejection or at least get over the perceived rejection and be able to look at it in a new way. I think what it does is it gives you more freedom to be able to conquer some of your bigger fears and achieve some of your greater dreams.

This is if you’re in a place obviously where you’re kind of in limbo, or maybe you’re at a point in your business, when you feel kind of stuck or stagnant and you want to do something else in your business, you’re wanting to make a shift, or maybe you’re wanting to kind of step up to the next level.

Maybe you’re ready to be seen in a greater way. And you’re feeling that fear. Some of these shifts may help you a little bit. Or if, as I said, you were working with someone and that relationship turned sour, or you’ve had people reject you online, or you’ve had an opportunity that you’re really excited about and that opportunity fell through and you got to “no” which can be a very difficult word to hear.

Right. And that fear of rejection can be a really powerful barrier that can limit you in many ways. I just hope that this episode can kind of give you some inspiration and tools to help you move forward in just kind of a new way of thinking about it. It’s really about helping you see your rejection, any rejection that you receive, whether it’s in your life, your business, your relationships, to see it as a blessing versus something to be afraid of.

So here’s the thing. We’ve all been rejected in some way, some shape some form at some point in our life. But if we don’t overcome that rejection, then we are left carrying a huge weight with us everywhere we go. So here’s an example. Of an experience where I was rejected in my business and it left me feeling really you know, kind of lost after this experience feeling like maybe I’m not meant to be doing what I’m doing. Maybe I am on the wrong path.

Getting Fired From a Client

So a few years ago after my son was born in 2017, I was not working as a coach because I was very busy. Very tired. I had a two-year-old as well when my son was born and I was still wanted to make money in my business and have an income. I didn’t want to just retire the whole business after putting so much effort into it, but I couldn’t do coaching because my schedule was so sporadic.

So what I decided to do and sort of landed in my lap was I became a virtual assistant for other business owners. And I would help them behind the scenes in their businesses. And I did that for about two years and pretty slow. It wasn’t you know, a huge thing that I became this well-known VA or anything like that, but I did have clients, clients found me through, you know, SEO that I’d built up on my website or through Instagram and referrals and things like that.

So it’s getting clients for my VA business while my son was young. And I ended up landing a client who I had been following her on Instagram for a couple of years. And I would consider her to be on the surface, you know, a dream client. She was really in alignment with the sort of the values that I had, the way that I thought.

She had a pretty decent-sized following on Instagram with a big presence. She was you know, really. Really sort of far along in her business. So I liked that she was more of an established business owner and we were working together for about a year, quite slowly. It was off and on throughout the year, I’d done some work and then we’d take a break.

I’d do some work, we’d take a break. And as we were working together, we had a really great client coach or client VA, I should say dynamic. And it felt, you know, for the most part, it felt like a great working relationship. Always getting really great feedback from her until one day when it was time to renew her retainer that she had purchased, she did not renew.

And I was pretty surprised by her decision to not renew because I had thought that we had a great relationship and we had made future plans for her business. We had talked about things that we had planned and intended on implementing ways that we could do that. Ways that we could generate a bigger audience for future launches and things like this.

We had talked about what the future might look like for me in her business and, and things that she would want me to sort of handle for her in her business going forward. So when it came time to renew her retainer, she didn’t renew. And this was a massive rejection for me. I felt like, what did I do wrong?

What went wrong? Where did I let this person down? And she was very kind in the way that she had written me. And, you know, she was very thankful for my services up until that point, but it didn’t feel like we were in alignment anymore. And upon some reflection, I understood what she had meant at that time.

I was sort of getting away from my own sort of intuition when it comes to marketing and business. Following more of a mainstream approach that didn’t align with me either. So it made sense that it wasn’t in alignment with her. And, you know, I had sort of lost my way through at that point. And she was picking up on that and it wasn’t in alignment anymore, but at the time, and in the moment I thought, what am I doing here?

Like, why am I wasting my time doing this business? I’m clearly not cut out for this. I felt so alone. I felt, you know, really undervalued and under appreciated in that moment. And again, as I said, I began questioning everything, the value of my business, the value of what I was offering, you know, I wondered if I was meant to do this.

I felt like an imposter. You know, essentially it was the first time I had ever been, you know, quote unquote fired from a client and lets just put it this way—It just did not feel good. It didn’t feel good for her nor did it feel good for me. However, I did have a lot of respect for the fact that she could hold true and stick to her boundaries and establish strong boundaries for herself and stick to them even while her and I had a really lovely relationship.

You know, we connected in other ways outside of our business and she was able to do that. So I, I took that as well, and I noticed that she could do that. And I thought to myself, is that something that I could do going forward? So it was a learning experience from that perspective as well. So there was a few benefits that came out of that rejection in the end.

And even though as hard as it was to be fired by a client or not have someone that I thought I had a long-term sort of working relationship with to have her not renew. While I believed that we were going to be working together much longer than the time we were. There were some great things that came of that experience and the whole experience forced me to stop and reevaluate my business to get really clear on my own priority.

What was misaligned for me and my own business. And then I just pivoted and went back into coaching, but this time, not as a life and career coach, but as a business coach and offering marketing services. And I’m still doing some of the VA stuff initially, but also incorporating more coaching and things, business coaching into it.

So, because I had this experience, I had already been feeling misaligned in my business. I enjoyed working as a virtual assistant, but I also knew that I didn’t want to be doing that for a long period of time. I only want it to do it temporarily while my son was young and the kids were young until I could start coaching again.

01. Rejection is protection

But that situation that I had with that particular client forced me into a new direction. And that’s one of the things that I think, or one of the ways I should say that we can be thinking about rejection is the fact that your rejection. As I’ve heard it said before is a redirection or it is a protection.

So you might’ve heard the expression. Rejection is protection. Right. So it might be really hard to see that whatever you’re going through right now, right. Is that that rejection could be protecting you from maybe a situation that isn’t right for you. It could be a toxic situation, or maybe it’s protecting you from a toxic person or a person that’s no good for you.

And in the end, if you had of stuck that through, or if you had of got that opportunity or that client had of stayed your client, whatever that looks like, maybe it would have led you to some deep dissatisfaction in your life or in your business. So in fact, instead of looking at it like, oh, I, you know, it, putting it all on yourself and thinking about all of the things that you did wrong instead, ask how the rejection that you’re experiencing may be protecting you? What is it protecting you against? What in your life could it be protecting you against that is not good for you?

So that’s the first thing that I would say. So when it comes to reframing your rejection, what does that look like? What is your rejection actually trying to protect you against?

And what is it trying to redirect you toward instead?

02. Not every path is right for you

So the next one is knowing that, you know, just not every path is right for you. So if you’ve been rejected either by someone or you’re being rejected by a situation, and you’re feeling those pangs of depression, because something you really, really wanted didn’t work out, or maybe it just wasn’t as good of a fit as you had sort of envisioned it would be in your mind.

Trust that there is a new path that’s going to emerge for you. Once you take the steps in the direction that you want to go a new path will be placed in front of you, something that is much more aligned with you, something that is better for your soul.

So instead of seeing the rejection as a negative thing or something bad, that’s happening in your life, a really great reframe is to think about it and ask and see it as an invitation to reframe something that may have seemed like a good thing. But, you know, it, wasn’t going to be a great thing and turn it into an opportunity to ask yourself, what is it that you truly want?

So if this opportunity didn’t work out, then it’s clearly not the right path for you. So what is the right path?

this may be just the shift that you need to redirect you from the path of, oh, it’s good enough to a fully aligned with your vision and your heart’s desires path. That really, really is aligned with your soul.

03. Something better awaits

So the third reframe when it comes to rejection is to remember that something better awaits. So it’s really easy to think that when one door closes, that’s it. There’s no other door. Right. Like you’re stuck there because a door has just been closed in your face. So meaning like there’s no other client, or there is no other opportunity to make this amount of money.

There’s no other opportunity to work with, you know, this influencer or this big name person in your industry, you know, that opportunity is gone.

But here’s what I want you to remember is that when one door closes. There’s always another door to open. It’s either there right now and you can’t see it, or it is on its way. So I want you to trust that something better awaits and it’s going to come for you at the exact moment. You’re ready for it.

04. The timing isn’t right

so the fourth reframe and helping you get over rejection and kind of move past or to think about it differently. Is that the timing just isn’t right. So maybe you’re doing something in your business or in your life when you just keep hitting roadblock after roadblock, after roadblock, you know, at every possible turn or endeavor you take on, you just keep losing hope because it just, every time you do something, it seems like it’s just never working out.

But sometimes it just means that the timing isn’t right.

Instance, do you need to learn a new skill or gain more life experience or more business experience? Whatever that looks like for you before this opportunity is right for you. Or are you prepared for this opportunity or do you need more time to sow your seeds? So sometimes when things are not working out for myself and I think, okay, the timing isn’t right.

What can I do now to prepare me for when this opportunity lands in my lap or when I want to go for this opportunity in the future? So the timing may not be right for me now, but maybe, maybe, yeah. Acquire more skills. So maybe my preparation includes me, you know, taking more classes. Maybe it includes me working with more clients or testing this, you know, idea or experimenting with this particular technique before I can teach a class about that, for instance.

So if you’re finding that you’re always pulling teeth, how can you prepare yourself for the opportunity to come down the road? If it still feels aligned? And the other question you can ask yourself is, do I have the energy and the space for this in my life right now? Or are there more pressing priorities that I need to focus on first?

So what I have personally found in my businesses, because I have two small children and one child with special needs, and that takes up a lot of my time and energy. So my business growth has been so much slower than my peers. And throughout the years, I can sometimes beat myself up over that and I can kind of get down on myself.

But then I remember that my priorities right now, the top priority for me is not always my business. Of course, when I’m working with clients, that’s a priority. But in terms of growing and scaling and trying to reach as many people as I can, that has not been a priority for me over these past few years.

So most of the clients I get are not through actively acquiring people, it’s through referrals or just through content that I’m sharing on Instagram. So I’m not doing much to actually acquire. So someone comes to me and it’s an alignment. Great. But in terms of going out there actively seeking those opportunities, I haven’t been doing that in my business . So just remember that if what you want, it’s in alignment with your highest self and it’s in alignment with your higher vision, then trust that it will show up in its perfect and divine timing.

05. They’re not your people

So the last reframe that I want to give you here about rejections. So this is more or less if you’ve been rejected by someone. So someone thinks that they are entitled to say something negative about you on social media, or they’ve watched your video and they’re picking it apart and being super critical because.

People seem to be so much braver online these days, we have a lot of bullies coming out of the woodwork and the trolls are coming out because we’re missing that face to face interaction. So they have all this courage and bravery now to be able to say what they want to say to you in a way that can be really rude and, and not a kind way to speak to someone.

So not great, a great way to deliver criticism. So the reframe here that I want you to think about, if you’re worried about people who’ve been rejecting you, or you’re worried about people online, saying, you know, not nice things about you and you being the target of you know, trolls and things like that.

Is that just remember that they’re not your people. You know, social rejection can feel downright awful, no matter who you are and who it’s from, whether it’s people you’ve know people in your family, people who are acquaintances on Facebook, you know, your uncle from your mother’s side of the family, or whether it’s strangers on the internet, it doesn’t matter.

Rejection and people criticizing you. But remember don’t waste your time and energy on people that are not your people reserve your time and energy for the ones who are, I can’t say that enough.

So for example, whenever I, you know, send an email newsletter out to my list, someone always unsubscribe. Whenever I go live on Facebook. For instance, I see people who turn notifications off for me saying like, I don’t want to hear from you basically, but guess what? I don’t waste a second worrying about it because I’m not speaking to those people anyway.

And I’m not trying to quote-unquote, convert anyone with my message. You’re either here because you’re here for it. It resonates you’re in alignment with it or you’re not. And if you’re. I’m not worried about you because I’m not talking to you anyway, so you can scroll on past. You can go find someone else with who you resonate.

You can unsubscribe from my emails.

Okay. People don’t have to love everything you’re putting out. You’re not talking to those people anyway. And if someone is brave enough on social media to use a fake name and a fake account and to troll you or people who, you know, and they’re brave enough to criticize something you’re doing, I always think about one of my favourite quotes from Brené Brown, which is:

“If you’re not in the arena, getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback. There a, a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives, but we’ll spend every ounce of energy. They have hurling advice and judgment, and those of us trying to dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fear-mongering, if you’re criticizing from a place of where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in your feedback.” — Brené Brown

I absolutely love Brene’s quote because it tells me that if you’re not in the ring, fighting with me, that means putting yourself out there on a public platform, sharing yourself, sharing your vulnerability. Sharing what’s in your heart, trying to do good in the world, sharing a piece of yourself for others to, you know, criticize and reject, to be out there and get yourself seen by people, you know, hundreds, thousands, in some cases, millions of people. If you’re not doing that too, and you’re not having the courage to put yourself out there, the way that I am, then your opinion means nothing to me. .

So I hope that you can take that bit of feedback, and I hope that you can use that to help refuel you and to empower you, to put yourself out there and to not worry when rejection gets, you know, flung your way, or when you’re met with a closed door, someone slams a door in your face, or you get this feeling like someone’s rejecting you or, you know, they’re not loving your content or they’re not aligning with what it is that you’re putting out there. You know, you’ve got a choice on how you choose to perceive that rejection and you can perceive it through the lens of, you know, you’re not good enough, you know what I’m doing isn’t of value I’m wasting my time here.

Maybe my business isn’t as good as I thought it was, or helping as many people as I thought it was, or, you can choose to reframe it and look at it through the lens of gratitude and see it as a blessing in your life. Not allowing it to stop you from reaching the things, the goals that you want to achieve and doing the things in your business that you really feel called in your heart to do, and just reframe it in a way that will help propel you forward and put you more in alignment with your highest self.

So really rejection is a growth tool. That we can embrace and that we can see as a necessary part of her evolution rather than internalizing it and seeing it as a negative or seeing us as being bad or not as good as, or inferior in some way, which is only going to bring you down. Keep you small, keep you playing small and we’re not going there.

The heart of all of this. I believe that when you can move past the fear of rejection or at least be able to reframe it and perceive it in a new way, then you’ll be rewarded with the freedom to be exactly who you are. And that’s what we all want is we want the real authentic you to show up in your business to share your message and your gifts with the world.

My final question for you is how might your rejection be protecting you or how could it be redirecting you towards a new path?